Navigating murky waters: how to be Facebook friends with unfunny people

Ceecee* is a fun loving friend of mine from high school who makes her living working with children–her pie chart of Facebook posts looks a little something like this:

Some people might feel that person that works with kids shouldn’t be posting pictures of herself drinking and carousing or posting curse words.

I, personally, don’t care. Teachers and child care workers put their pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us–and just like the rest of us, they deserve to go out drinking with their friends after hours, and they deserve to say curse words in front of their adult friends without having their careers jeopardized.

I’m pretty sure Ceecee has the good sense not to go to work drunk or hungover (or be Facebook friends with any of the children she works with, thus glorifying drinking alcohol or cursing), so it doesn’t really matter to me that she enjoys drinking on the weekends and having fun with her friends. She has a job, she isn’t hurting herself or anyone else. She is just being herself.

However, knowing that there are people in the world that are prone to having strong feelings about things that are none of their business, it did not surprise me when Ceecee recently announced that she had to temporarily deactivate her account, delete a bunch of people from her friends list, and reopen her account under a pseudonym as a result of one of her co-workers (with whom she was FB friends) tattling to the head of their company because Ceecee wrote something on FB that caused offense.

In my (unsolicited) opinion, the tattle-taling to a person’s boss about something posted on FB (that did not involve the physical abuse of another person or animal) is totally out of line.

Here’s the deal. Facebook is a place where people express themselves. If you are FB friends with someone and you don’t like what they have to say, your choices are as follows:

1. IGNORE THEM
   Ignore them by using the scroll bar to go past their post(s). Easy.
2. BLOCK THEM FROM  YOUR NEWS FEED
   If they really annoy you on a regular basis, you can very easily block their posts from coming up in your feed. They will never know you did this.
3. DE-FRIEND THEM (LAST RESORT)
   If they have offended you deeply or annoyed you thoroughly, you can de-friend them. They probably will not notice (unless you are 1/3 of their total friend collection). BUT if they do notice, at some point down the road, that you are no longer FB friends and check to see that you are still on FB…they will probably be hurt…so exercise this option with caution.

Unless someone is posting about doing something horrible to another living being (in which case the right thing to do is to alert the appropriate authorities), you really need to find a non-confrontational way to deal with the situation.

And, if you suspect that one of your friends might be offended by your typical FB posts, your choices are similar to those listed above:

1. PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS #1 ABOVE
   Do not accept them as FB friends in the first place…and certainly don’t initiate a FB friendship.
2. YEP, BASICALLY THE SAME AS #2 ABOVE
   If it is clear to you that they would be offended if you don’t accept their friend request, change your privacy settings in Facebook to block them from seeing certain posts/comments/photos.
3. GUESS WHAT I AM DOING TO SAY NEXT? SAME AS #3 ABOVE…WOW, YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT THIS GUESSING GAME!
   If they have thoroughly annoyed you with their judgmental tendencies, you may want to consider de-friending them. Same warning about consequences listed above under #3 apply here.

Let me de-mystify how to handle Facebook scuffles: it’s really not that different from real life

In real life, when someone says something that offends you, the right thing to do is either ignore them OR if you are really bothered and are certain that you aren’t just being overly-sensitive, then you say something to them about it in private. If someone says something on FB that has offended you, you handle it the same way: you send them a private message or email -OR- you say something to them in person…again, in private.

Arguing with a friend in the comments section of their allegedly offensive post only makes YOU look like a jerk…telling your co-worker’s boss that they shared a dirty joke on Facebook is just unacceptable.

Yes, even if your (probably unsolicited) opinion is the right one. 🙂

*Names have been changed to protect the victims of bad social media manners.